The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize