I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I could fuck to npr.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
