I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
