Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
