Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
