He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
