We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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