I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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