Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
