Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
