i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
