Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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