You smell like a Billy Joel song
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
