i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Please don't give away my fajitas
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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