they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
