Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can I color on your dick again?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
