well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
