would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize