i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
