I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
