My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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