Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
