He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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