She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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