Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
