Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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