My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Oh god it's open bar.
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