Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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