yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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