I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
