I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
4 words: hood of his car
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
