I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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