your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
