i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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