Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
