nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
