I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
