for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
