While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
