Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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