I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
