Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Houston, we have a blender
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
