How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
