my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
