i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
