i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
