I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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