i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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