so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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