I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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