Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
