I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
