therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
