thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
