u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
