I feel great
I just peed on a car
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
