I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Boobs are out for the taking
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
