last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
