i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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