i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
