Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
