There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
