I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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