Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
