the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
