I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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