I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i drank out of a bidet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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