so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
