Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
