I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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