new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
