Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
