Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
