if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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