My room smells like vodka and shame
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
